I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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