Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
