i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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