It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
