I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
