I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
