Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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