Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
