Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
