i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
