it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
