ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hippo gnu deer
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
