I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
