I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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