it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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