Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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