I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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