I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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