OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
