My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
