just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
