her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
