I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
