I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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