ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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