was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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