I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
