did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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