I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
