My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
