some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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