Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This is the prime rib incident all over again
cat food counts as protein by the way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
