I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
