It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
