He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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