I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
