i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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