How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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