i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
my liver is dry heaving
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
