You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
