So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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