singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
two words: eviction party
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
