I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
