We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
