so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
