On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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