isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
