Pants 0. Shit 1.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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