he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Houston, we have a blender
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
