I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
