VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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