i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
