I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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